reliarobot | Entries tagged with urban fantasy

I stood in the bathroom staring at the mirror, still covered in steam from Lilith's shower. I'd been standing there for several minutes. I could vaguely make out the shape of my new face, greenish and strange. I half-reached towards the mirror to wipe it clean so I could really see it, then let my hand fall to my side for the fifth time. I was trembling, staring at the softly glowing eyes of my reflection through the mist as it slowly cleared away. I just couldn't...

I just couldn't. I needed to, and I couldn't. Would the real me, the real Kathrine, have been braver, in my place?

"Hey," said a voice from my right, and I jumped. Kathrine stood before me, her hand half-extended to touch me. She let it fall. "It's all right. I think you look kind of cute, actually."

I looked at her, seeing her face - my old face - like it was a mirror, but really looking for the first time. Brown, curly hair, soft cheeks, full lips. Stunning blue eyes that looked both kind and worried about me. I knew that other people had found me cute, before, but I'd never quite believed it. Not really. But... Kathrine was cute. Like, cute cute. I got lost in her eyes for a moment.

She glanced towards the mirror, looking guilty. "Here, we can do it together, okay?" Her hand reached for mine, and without thinking I reached back. Hand in hand, we reached forward and wiped off the mirror.

My new face was green, dark green, circuitboard green, an image solidified by the golden wiring running its way all around my features. It was segmented into smaller plates, and I could see servos and pistons in the cracks between when I moved. My nose wasn't the skeletal hole I'd been dreading, but instead a kind of peak in the central plate with two narrow holes leading inside. Without the cartilage and fat, my new face looked smaller, things reduced in detail, like a sketch instead of a full drawing. The exceptions were my eyes - golden, with wide black irises, lit from within by some kind of status LED - and my lips. They were some kind of translucent grey silicone cushion which stretched and moved as the underlying plates shifted beneath it. In various places on the plating, more status LEDs shone in a variety of colors, blues and yellows and reds. I reached up my hand to touch my face, and could feel the ridges of the circuitry and the bumps of the LEDs just as my cheek felt the artificial softness of my fingers.

"You're beautiful," Kathrine said, looking at me through the mirror. She turned to face me, our hands still linked, and when I twisted around to face her, she placed her hand just under my chin, very gently. I gasped softly at the touch, and she carefully moved her thumb up to touch my lips. I parted them without thinking, barely daring to breathe as she rubbed her thumb along them. "They're so soft," she murmured to herself. Her face was very close. I tilted my head slightly, and she did too. My other hand went to her waist, and we drew closer together-

And then the doorbell rang. Both of us sprang away from each other, cheeks glowing in different but very similar ways. "I, uh, I better go- that's probably- I mean, it might be- uh, I'll be back," she said, looking down and away.

She spun around to go, and on impulse I grabbed her arm. She glanced back at me, and somehow I managed to stammer out, "I- I think you're really pretty, too!" She blushed harder, and made as if she was going to say something dismissive, but I cut her off. "I know! I know you don't believe it. I didn't. But you are!" I wasn't sure exactly what I looked like when I was blushing, but it felt like the room was practically on fire with how my cheeks felt. "You are."

She was left speechless. I glanced up to try to look her in the eyes, and I saw that they were wet with almost-tears. The doorbell rang again, and I let her hand go so she could wipe her eyes before answering.

I decided to sit at the top of the stairs and listen in on the conversation below.

"Agent Franklin, hello. Another round of questions?" Kathrine sounded tired, and her voice was still a little wobbly.

There was a brief electronic noise, and then a reserved, feminine voice said, "No, ma'am, just checking in on you after last night's assault concern. I got your message that you were safe, but you know I had to come and verify that in person."

"Well, as you can see, I'm as human as the next woman," said Kathrine. I snorted quietly.

"So you are, ma'am. As long as I'm here, can I ask you a few more questions? There's some things I want to clear up."

A sigh. "Sure, Agent Franklin. Come on in, meet my wife."

The conversation drifted into the living room where it was harder to hear. I strained my ears, but didn't dare go downstairs myself. I don't know what this mysterious agent's view of me would be, but I really didn't want to risk getting shot at again.

"Mrowp?"

I looked down and saw Drake, our orange cat (their orange cat, I was an intruder and didn't deserve him) staring at me. Hesitantly, I put out my knuckles towards him. How would he react now that I was...

He immediately bumped his tiny head into my knuckles and rubbed past them to get onto my lap. He rose up, paws landing on my shoulder, and he sniffed at my face. I held still. For a long moment, I wasn't sure what he would do; then, with a happy "Brrrowt!", he headbutted me on the cheek and curled right up in my lap, purring like a motorboat.

"Ohhhh! Tiny boy! Tiny baby boy," I crooned at him, scratching underneath his chin. I could have cried, if my tear ducts were still working. "Oh, buddy, you don't even know how much that means to me. You don't even know! Do you? Do you baby boy?" I got my other hand in behind his ears. "Ohhhhh, baby boy!"

There was a shout, and I looked up right into the bright green eyes of a woman with dark skin wearing a black suit and holding a gun in her hands. I froze, causing Drake to mrowl in protest. Kathrine was right behind her, also frozen, uncertain what to do.

"Um," I said, as the barrel of the gun held steady at the floor. "Agent Franklin, I presume?"

"It's vital evidence in our case!"

"She is a person and she deserves rights just as much as any of us. I won't let you take her away!"

We'd reconvened in the living room. The conversation between Agent Franklin and Kathrine had become a shouting match, but at least the gun was holstered again. I sat on the couch, making myself as small as possible. I didn't dare raise my voice - what if she saw me as just another aggressive evil robot?

"It isn't a person. That was the whole point of them," said Agent Franklin, exasperated. "You're being fooled by a trick you already know is fake. Look at it! It's not human!"

I burrowed further into myself, but Lilith snaked her hand into mine and squeezed it. Despite myself, I looked up to see her smiling at me. She turned back towards the conversation without letting go. "Agent, it doesn't matter if she's human or not. She's a part of our family now," my eyes widened as the words sank in, and I nearly missed the next part, "so if you want to claim her, you'd better come back with a warrant." I stared at her, open-mouthed, then glanced at Agent Franklin. Her face was knotted in a mix of anger and concern.

After a moment, she sighed. "Fifth one today. I keep trying to tell you people these things are dangerous, but nobody listens to me."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Kathrine sat back down, looking smug. "Ah, yes, the dangerous robotgirl, petter of cats and holder of hands."

Franklin's resigned look turned sour. "I mean it, ma'am. They may not have weapons, but they can kill just as easily as any person with the flip of a switch. It may look docile now, but what happens if its creators return?"

Kathrine's smile turned brittle. "I've told you before, Agent. We've isolated their control pathways and found ways to disable them. I turned off her receiver myself this morning. She's safe." she stood, walking to the door. "It's been nice to see you, Agent Franklin. If you have any more questions, I'm happy to answer them over the phone." She opened the door, and Agent Franklin took the hint. She nodded to Lilith and Kathrine before she left, leaving me with just a piercing look.

Kathrine closed the door behind her, stood there for a moment, then collapsed onto the floor. "Holy shit," she breathed. "I thought for sure I was gonna get myself arrested. Fuck."

I drew further back into the couch and let out a shuddering breath. "I thought I was going to get scrapped."

I felt Lilith's hand leave mine and I folded my arms over my knees. Of course she'd want to comfort her real wife. It made sense. My breathing hastened, beginning to shudder, until I felt the couch jerk as someone dropped onto it, leaning against me. A moment later, a blanket was draped over the two of us, and I opened my eyes to see Lilith leaning down to hug Kathrine and I together. She squeezed us tightly and said, "You both did great. Stay there and be cozy for a minute. I'll make us some tea."

Still shivering from nerves, our hands found each other and squeezed tight under the blanket.

previously

After we carefully got down off the roof, we all sat down in the living room. I retrieved the knife and put it in the sink to wash later, after rinsing off my fake blood; Kathrine took back the gun and disarmed it before putting it away in the important documents safe. "So, what now?" I asked, my new voice tinny and synthesized in my ears. "You said you were kidnapped, and I'm... I mean, can they take remote control of me, or something? What if I hurt you?"

Lilith put her hand on my knee, and I squeezed it before I remembered that she wasn't really my wife, not actually. I pulled back, and crossed my arms over my chest.

"It's okay," said Kathrine. "When we escaped, we took all their systems offline and called the authorities. By the time we got out, some kind of explosion went off, too - some kind of fail-safe, I guess. Whoever they were, they're on the run, now. We're safe. It should be all over the news tomorrow - people are going to be on alert for weird robot duplicates now."

"But even I couldn't tell it wasn't you," said Lilith. "Aren't any other duplicates out there going to be impossible to detect?" She yawned, and I checked the clock - it was nearly 2 AM.

"No, I mean," Kathrine yawned, too, infected by Lilith. "We grabbed some data that should make them really easy to find, and shared it out. I'll explain tomorrow. For now, I'm fucking exhausted."

"Y-yeah," I said, "You two should get some sleep."

That got me a look from both of them. "What are you going to do?"

"Well, uh... I mean, I don't even know if I need sleep-"

"You do," said Kathrine. "The duplicates needed time to process all the data they got during the day. I'd be surprised if you didn't need it more than we do."

"Oh," I said. "Um. Then, I guess... I'll just grab a blanket and sleep on the couch."

Kathrine got up and sat down next to me. "Hey, there's plenty of room on the bed, we can-"

I scooted away from her before her hand could land on my shoulder. "You've been gone for months, you said? You deserve to sleep next to your wife. Besides, you know we don't sleep well if we can't be on the right side of the bed. I'll be fine." I got up to grab the blankets from the closet, and I heard Kathrine stand up behind me, but she didn't say anything. When I returned, I could hear the two of them murmuring to each other upstairs. I flung out the blanket, rearranged the pillows, shucked my dress, laid down and tried to get some sleep. I could swear that my eyes illuminated the darkness before I closed them.

When I awoke, I felt bleary, and awful. That joke I made about not being real the night before was weighing on my mind. I wasn't real. I wasn't Kathrine. What did that mean? Was I one transmission away from turning into some kind of remote-controlled killer? Could I be shut off, brain-wiped, removed from existence? I didn't even know when I was created, or how long I'd been "alive". A couple of months, Kathrine had said. Had I stolen her Christmas? Or had I never really had one of my own? I rolled over, pulling the blankets tight over my body. Still flesh, or fake flesh, except for my face. I hadn't had the strength to look myself in the mirror yet. Was I some kind of awful Terminator skeleton? My breath hitched, and I realized that even that was probably fake, an affectation for a robot spy, not a real feeling.

My thoughts were interrupted by a loud fan turning on, and the smell of crisp bacon. My stomach growled - another fake sensation? - and I heard Lilith cry out "Breakfast!". I rolled over again, pulling the blankets over my head.

A moment later, they were yanked off. "Hey, that means you, too," she said, pressing her finger to the tip of my metallic forehead.

"But- I mean, I don't even-"

"You've eaten breakfast every day you've been here so far, however long that's been, and I know it makes you feel better when you get a hot meal. Come eat."

She left me blinking as she returned to the kitchen. I rose, wrapping the blanket around myself, and followed her. Kathrine was already there, looking at something on her laptop. "Morning," she said, around a mouthful of breakfast sandwich. "Sleep well?"

I sat down, and a plate full of bagel-bacon-egg-hashbrown sandwich appeared before me. "There'll be cinnamon rolls soon, too," said Lilith over her shoulder as she went to the coffee machine.

"Why are you both," I hiccupped, hands clenched around the blanket. "Why are you being so nice to me? I invaded your home, your lives-"

Kathrine reached across the table and put her hand around mine. "Not your fault. I've been looking at the data we grabbed before we left - all the duplicates were made via direct brain scans of the people they kidnapped. I want to do a firmware update on you later to make sure you don't have any networking backdoors, but you're just as much me as I am."

"Besides," said Lilith, sitting next to me, "we've talked before about what we'd do if we found a clone of each other." She smirked, and suddenly the room got very warm. "Eat your breakfast," she said, her smile turning gentle. "You've been through a lot, and we have time to figure things out together."

Hesitantly, I picked up the bagel and took a bite.

It was delicious.

"I- I don't understand," I stammered. It was like looking in a mirror. I backed away from my duplicate, edging ever closer to the roof's edge. "Where did you come from? Why are you here? What did I ever do to you?!"

The other me laughed, a slightly manic tone to it as she pointed the knife at me, blade shining in the moonlight. "You stole my whole life! My job, my house, my friends, my wife! What, are you going to pretend you did it by accident?"

"I- I don't know what you're talking about!" I backed away again, but tripped, falling backwards, my back now to a sheer three-story drop. "I've lived here for fifteen years! I met Lilith on our first date five years ago! I remember, I- I thought-"

"You LIAR!" My clone shouted, and dove at me, knife in hand. I screamed in pain as the blade sliced open my cheek, and again as it plunged into my shoulder. I struggled to get control, but I could feel my arm losing its strength as the blade trembled between the two of us. I didn't want to hurt her! I didn't want to die! What could I-

"Drop the knife! Both of you!"

Lilith had made her way onto the roof, finally, and in her hand she held the gun my clone had dropped during the chase. She gripped it hard, pointing it in our direction.

"Lilith," said the clone, "Lilith, it's me, it's Kathrine, you have to believe me, I got kidnapped, I haven't been here for months, you've been living with this impostor-"

The safety on the gun clicked, but the muzzle wavered. "I said, drop the knife."

Slowly, she released her pressure on it, and so did I. When she let go, I knocked it off the roof. I gasped, bleeding, barely able to rise to my knees. "Lilith, I don't know what's going on. I've been here," I gulped, gasping against the pain, "the whole time. The cats know it's me, you know how they get with strangers-"

My clone snarled at me. "The cats? You even managed to fool the cats?! You bitch!" She grabbed my dress, hauling me to my feet. I hung on desperately to her hands, all too aware of the drop behind me.

"I don't-" I started, at the same time Lilith shouted, "Put her down! I'm warning you!"

My clone's eyes were wild, deranged, panicked, darting back and forth between Lilith and I. As her eyes settled on me, she stared at something on my face. "I can prove it," she breathed. "I can prove it!" She shouted to Lilith. "Watch! I'm the real Kathrine!" She reached up towards the cut in my face and dug her nails in. I screamed, closing my eyes, Lilith shouted something, and then...

And then it was quiet. It didn't hurt anymore. I heard my clone breathing rapidly in front of me. I slowly eased my eyes open to see her staring at me in fear and victory. I glanced at Lilith, gun pointing more at our feet now, mouth open in shock.

"Jig's up, impostor," said my clone. She let go of me, and held something up to my face. "Your disguise is busted."

The thing she was holding... it was like a mask. Floppy, sort of rubbery in the way that it hung.

A mask of my own face.

I grabbed at my own face, my cheeks, my eyes, all of it felt smooth, cold, metallic. I felt raised bumps in regular patterns, weld marks, maybe, or small rivets. My mouth opened in shock, and I could hear the hum of tiny servos. "W-what-"

My clone - no, Kathrine, the real Kathrine - looked at me with surprise and distrust. "You can't tell me you didn't know."

"I- I- I had no idea!" I turned to Lilith. "I remember our first date! We were both so nervous, and then you infodumped about amusement parks at me for an hour, and I thought I had to see you again! I remember our wedding! I thought, she looks so beautiful, I could die right here and go directly to heaven and I wouldn't notice the difference!" I started to cry at the memory, at the situation, at learning who and what I was...

Lilith stared at me, raising the gun again. "You never told me that."

The look, the betrayal in her eyes, it nearly made my heart break. I slumped to my knees. Had it all been fake? My whole life?

Then, suddenly, standing in front of me, arms wide, was Kathrine. I looked up at her in shock, but she was facing the other way, towards Lilith, who hastily pointed the gun at the ground. "I never told anyone that," she said. "It sounded too sappy, even for me." She turned to face me. "You're not just an evil clone. You are me, aren't you?"

I sniffed, and looked up at her. My voice quivered, and reverberated oddly through the metal of my face. "I thought I was me."

She dropped to her knees, and embraced me. A moment later, so did Lilith. I hugged both of them as tears erupted from all of us.

After a while, I sniffed and let go. "Hey," I said, my voice still wobbly, "if I'm not the real Kathrine, does that mean I don't have to go to work on Monday? Or file taxes?"

Kathrine looked at me. "Oh. Uh, I guess not?"

"Oh thank god," I said. "Being real was fucking exhausting."

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

Ella woke blearily from a mid-afternoon nap to a loud, persistent buzzing noise from the next room. She yawned and rolled over, trying to ignore it, but it grated through her eardrums. Normally she wouldn't worry about her roommate Kina's personal habits, but she hadn't been sleeping well as of late and she really needed to be awake for the evening shift. After tossing and turning for many minutes, she eventually got up to stalk down the hall.

Kina's door was closed, and the buzzing was even louder here. How high up had she turned the damn toy? She knocked on the door, yawning again. "Kina, can you keep it down? I really need-"

The door swung open. The setting sun filtered in through the closed blinds, but Kina was nowhere to be seen. With the door open, the buzzing sounded less like a sex toy and more like a giant, angry wasp. Ella grimaced. She'd have to apologize later for going through Kina's stuff, but this was clearly on by accident, whatever it was. She played hot and cold with the sound for a bit until she found a small drawer tucked under the bed. Paydirt.

She hesitated before opening it. The drawer was vibrating, sure, that was expected, but there was also light emanating from inside. Something about it gave her pause. But, well, in for a penny. Inside, there were several pillows that had irregular slashes in them, and a bright, glowing ring that was rapidly spinning in place. Curious, she gingerly grabbed a hold of it, and-

And what was she doing? Peeking into her roommate's stuff like this. She should be ashamed. She should be up anyway, getting her chores done. She hadn't cleaned the bathroom in ages. And she should get some more exercise, go for a walk. Oh, and that would be a perfect opportunity to go looking for that stray cat she'd seen the posters for. But before she could do that, she should really pay rent. Just because Kina paid 70% of the rent and the utilities was no reason to be late with her part. And the rest of her money, she should give it to her sister, who needed some help - no, she should put it in a savings account - no, she should save for retirement - no, that political candidate - no, the food bank - she should volunteer too - give blood - give more - GIVE! The voices overlapped, demanding more and more of her. It wasn't enough, it was never enough, she was never enough, not enough to make a difference, but if she just tried harder, worked more, she could maybe be almost good enough, but never quite-

She blinked. Her hands felt raw and painful, like she'd been holding a belt sander. Kina was standing over her, immaculate as always in her business skirt and white button-down top, the ring spinning in the space between her pinched-together thumb and forefinger. She looked tired. "Sorry, was this thing bothering you? It's been kind of active recently. I'll try to secure it better tomorrow."

Ella gaped at her, still on her knees. "What is that thing?"

Kina took a breath, as if to explain, then sagged, her shoulders slumping. "Easier to show you."

She brought the ring, still spinning like mad, just above her head, and released it. It hung there, seemingly locked in place, as she began to unbutton her blouse. Ella took a moment too long to look away from her roommate's flower-lacy grey bra, then gasped as Kina's shirt fell away to reveal a pair of enormous white wings the shirt could not possibly have contained. Kina raised up into the air slightly, hovering just at the point where her feet couldn't touch the floor, and smiled sadly.

"You- you're an angel?"

Kina nodded. She reached down to Ella's hands, and as she grasped them the pain and frayed skin fell away, leaving them whole. Ella looked down at them in wonder. Then she looked back up at the halo. "Those things I felt when I- I mean- do you... feel like that? All the time?"

Kina reached up and plucked the halo off of her head, spinning once again through the empty space between thumb and forefinger. She gently floated to the ground, and her wings folded in behind her. "It's not so bad, usually. It's just- I mean, with everything going on, everyone's stressed, right? I'm not special." She reached past Ella and placed the halo in the drawer, making sure it was properly surrounded by pillows on all sides before closing it. Ella could still hear it spinning away, but quieter than it had been when it was brushing up against the wood. "And besides," Kina continued, "it's not so bad when it's not on my head."

Ella caught a glimpse of a tear streaming down her face before she turned away, shucking her shirt back on. "Come on. I made dinner for you. Let's go eat before it gets cold."

Ella grabbed her wrist before she got very far. "Wait! Are you saying you can hear-" she shuddered, thinking of the thundering voices, demanding more and more of her. "I mean, even when you're not holding it?"

Kina didn't turn around. "All the time, yeah." Her tone was light, but there was a hitch in her voice. She swallowed. "It's not so bad! Other people have it worse, I'm sure." She paused for a moment. "Well, actual people. I'm not... I'm not..."

Ella took a moment to realize that Kina was sobbing, very quietly, as if she could prevent Ella from hearing her. She hesitated, then grabbed Kina from behind in a bear hug. "I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. If there's anything I can do, you let me know, okay? You don't have to suffer alone."

Kina reached a hand up to hold Ella's, and cried for a long time.

I wrote this months ago, and felt a bit self-conscious about reposting it here. Ultimately, I've decided to not modify it.

"Hey, do you want help cleaning up?" My roommate, Spruce, yawns as the rest of our friends pack up to leave.

I smile and shake my head. "Nope, I got it!" They've been so tired recently, they should get some rest.

"You're the best, Grace," they yawn again. "See y'all in two weeks for the big boss fight!"

"There's gonna be a boss fight!?" Says Jessica, in mock shock. Spruce sticks their tongue out at her as everyone drags their feet a little bit saying goodbye.

A little while later, I've done the dishes, including the pans Spruce used to make breakfast the other day, and the big pasta strainer that I know they hate cleaning. Then I clean the cats' litterboxes, scrub the toilets, make a quick sandwich so Spruce has something for lunch tomorrow and can save a little money, and get the garbage bags ready to go out. The chore wheel says it's Skye's turn to take it out, but she's on graveyard shift at the hospital, and it's only 1 am. I can take it out myself and still have a solid five hours of sleep before going in for my job. Not a problem. She needs the rest more than I do.

I awkwardly haul the bags down the stairs and out to the back alley where the dumpster is. This time of night everything is pretty quiet except for the cars on the highway several blocks away, muffled by trees. I know the dumpster squeaks, so I'm very careful to open it just wide enough to slip the bags in. Probably it's not bad enough to wake anybody up, but I'd feel terrible if I did.

The streetlight overhead flicks off. It... does that all the time. Freaks me out, though. I step back onto the sidewalk and another light flicks off. And then a third and fourth, in unison.

That's probably fine. It's fine! Lights fail. Even all at once sometimes. They're probably on the same circuit or something.

I hurry back inside.

The apartment's just how I left it. New garbage bags in the cans, and we're good to go. I'm about to go to bed before I remember that Spruce and Skye both yelled at me last week for trying to do all the chores myself. They're so busy, though... and they're actually pretty bad at remembering who has which chores, which is why we have the wheel. If I just, you know, adjust it a little bit, they'd probably just think they'd misremembered it. And, if I just tweak it like this, then it kinda looks like I could be responsible for both dishes and garbage. It's an honest mistake! Totally.

I shiver as I do it. There's a noise like rustling paper, and suddenly on either side of me I can see them again. They're back. Paper wings, made of tattered remnants of the Bible saying thou shalt serve, of chore wheels, of receipts for takeout orders I never asked for everyone to contribute to. I grab one with both hands and begin tearing at it. "No! No no no! I'm being good! I'm doing better! Leave me alone!"

"i cannot," says a voice from my couch. I turn and suddenly I see it. The awful thing I've been running from for years. A calming golden radiance illuminates a humanoid figure dressed in white robes, feet barely floating above the floor. Its eyes are covered by a strip of pure white cloth. It wears no jewelry or shoes, but golden lines streak across its skin in shimmering, repeating patterns. Great wings circle around it, resplendent, symmetrical, made of the finest lacework and filled in with golden beeswax. And worst of all, the halo, spinning brightly over its head, a dizzying speed made worse by its symmetry and my inability to tell exactly how fast it's going.

"You, you're..." I stumble backwards into the refrigerator.

"i am a servant of the one true god," it says. "as are you."

"N-no! I left that all behind me!" I clutch one of my wings to my chest. "I don't believe in that stuff anymore!"

"you do," it says, "at least enough to accept his gift. for your new form." From a fold in its robes, it pulls out a circular, shining object, which hovers over its hand and begins to spin.

"You keep that thing away from me! I'll- I'll scream! Real loud!" I back off, but the only place to go is the kitchen corner. I'm trapped.

The angel tilts its head at me, the blindfold doing very little to hide its piercing gaze. "you will not. that would inconvenience humans who are attempting to sleep. you do not wish to bother them."

Blast it, it's right. I haven't raised my voice above a whisper this whole time. If I could just say something, yell or scream or knock something over, I know Spruce would be down here in a moment. They'd help me. They would! "they need their sleep. you dont need their help. you merely need to accept this gift."

"I don't want your darned- da- darn-" I grit my teeth. "I don't want it!"

The angel moves another step forward, implacably. "it is not a matter of wanting. you do not want to help people, any more than you want to breathe. it is a necessary part of yourself. you cannot deny it."

The halo in its hand is getting closer. I tear my eyes away from it, and grind the palms of my hands into my eyes, willing the afterimage of it to fade away. "N-no! I've been talking to my therapist about this! Sometimes I have to put myself first!"

"you do not truly believe that. every time you have done so you have been filled with grief and guilt. every fundraiser you have ignored, every cry for help you have scrolled past, all of them have caused you pain because you did not help them."

"I... I have to take care of myself, or I can't help others! I can't be everywhere at once..." it's a mantra I've been trying to repeat. Trying to convince myself.

"this will allow you to help more. this will remove the burdens of your humanity. no longer will you be held back by a selfish thought or a personal desire. the power you gain will only ever be used in service to others. you want this. why deny your nature?"

I risk a glance at the angel again. The halo over its head matches a golden line traced around its neck. The thinnest of collars. Completely unbreakable. "I never- I never wanted this! My parents-"

"your forebears saw the world in a terrible state and prayed for the ability to bring good into the world. they have done well, raising you. you understand the word of god-"

"Bullsh- bull- bulls-" the word will not come out. I try to sidle away and stumble over backwards, barely hanging onto the counter so I don't crash.

"-even if you proclaim not to believe in it, you still live your life by it. aid thy neighbors. speak not in anger. love the unlovable. your self-sacrifice is proof of the life you wish to lead. let us aid you in shedding your mortal form, and severing the ties which hold you back from doing the most good."

"But," I'm searching for an objection, an argument, something that could sway this terrible thing, now just a few steps away. "But," I say as it crouches down, the new halo - my halo - now mere feet from my face. "But what about Spruce? And Skye? They can't afford this place without me!"

It doesn't even halt its advance. "this is merely proof that you must accept this gift. even now, faced with an unreasonable fear, your thoughts are with others and how you may help them. but these thoughts are too small, your scope is too narrow. it must be broadened."

The halo in its hand gets closer. I could reach out and touch it now. "wait!" I cry. "i'm too selfish! i've done all sorts of self centered things! like, like," the halo takes up the entirety of my vision now. "i transitioned! i'm not supposed to be a girl! that's selfish! right?"

The halo continues to get closer. Now it's moving upwards, above my head. "i- i- i took a day off! and i didn't need to! i just wanted the day for me time!" I almost can't see it anymore, it's moving around when I crane my head to look at it. "please, no, i- i don't want to lose myself-" my wings curl around me as the halo climbs to its apex. I feel golden lines tracing themselves onto my skin.

"this is a flaw that will be rectified. you will be perfect. come, now, into the glory of the lo-"

It's interrupted by a loud crack. Through tear-stained eyes I see the angel suddenly go flying into the living room. A moment later, so does the halo, embedding itself into the couch and spewing fluff everywhere. I gasp in relief, and realize that I hadn't actually been breathing for several minutes.

"GET FUCKED, MOTHERFUCKER!" Screams a voice, and I recognize it as Skye's. "I don't know how you got in here, or what you were trying to do to my friend, but I don't need to call the cops to kick your ass!"

There's a thump from upstairs, and a moment later Spruce is in the staircase, phone in one hand up to record and boffer sword in the other. "guys!" I say, my eyes misting over again.

"I dunno what the fuck is happening, but you'd better get out of here, asshole!" Growls Spruce.

I see the angel stand up, dust itself off, and then ascend through the ceiling. I'm not sure what the others see, but I can guess it's pretty inexplicable from the chorus of "What the fuck!"s.

Skye is the first one by my side. "Hey, are you okay? That guy didn't hurt you, did he?"

"i'm fine," I say. "i'm not hurt."

"What's that?" Says Spruce, kneeling down next to me. "I couldn't hardly hear you."

I clear my throat, then cough in earnest, trying to clear out some of the phlegmy tears from my airway. "i, I'm..." I take a shaky breath. "i'm not hurt, but..." I hesitate, and see the halo in the couch. "But I could really use a hug."

Immediately, both of my friends surround me in love and warmth. I shudder, and start sobbing in earnest, wrapping my arms and papery wings around them.

A burst of cold air swirled through Gabby's apartment as the door burst open. She shivered underneath her blankets, despite the gas fireplace burning merrily in the corner.

"I'm back!" Nessa cried from the doorway, forcing it closed against the winter storm. She brushed snow from her hair and set down the bag of groceries she'd been holding. "It's beautiful out there!"

"Yeah, maybe if you don't feel cold." Gabby groused. Nessa shucked her coat and boots and moved to the couch for a kiss. Gabby made an undignified squeak as Nessa's lips made contact. "You're like a giant ice cube!"

Nessa grinned, showing off pointed fangs. "Can't help it. I'll try and warm up some before the next one. But, oh, you should have seen it!" she said, moving into the kitchen and clattering around the limited counterspace. "There's so many sparkly lights out there, and they back-lit the snow, and... ah! It was just so pretty."

"I would have thought you wouldn't be capable of enjoying Christmas decorations. I mean, the whole cross thing..."

"Yeah, well, nobody's ever been repelled by the power of colored LEDs and a plastic reindeer," said Nessa over the sound of boiling water. A moment later, she came in with a steaming mug of hot cocoa that smelled incredible.

"You're not having one?"

"Can't. But, you'll drink it, and then I'll d-drink you, and you'll be all delicious and warm and chocolatey." Nessa stumbled over her words, looking down at the mug and avoiding Gabby's gaze. She gently set down the cocoa in front of Gabby's blanket nest, then put her cocoa-warmed hand in Gabby's, hesitating before nuzzling her face into Gabby's neck.

"Oh, really? Is that how the night is going to go?" Gabby arched an eyebrow and smirked at Nessa, who gave her such a wounded, pleading look she couldn't help but laugh. She reached for the mug and took a cautious sip, and the two of them cuddled together, warmed by the fire as the blizzard stormed outside.

Ivy hopped off her broom and leaned it against the outer wall of Kina's apartment. She tucked her goggles into the pocket of her leather jacket, held her pointed hat in both hands, and took a deep breath as she ascended the stairs.

"I should have come sooner..." Too melodramatic. "Hey, Kina, can we talk?" Too anxiety inducing. "Kina! Hey! Listen..." No. "I apologize for my actions..." Ugh, She sounded like a corporate stooge. Ivy felt the envelope in her pocket. She'd tried to write out how she felt, in case she chickened out and couldn't say anything. But that'd be almost worse.

Kina's door. Ivy closed her eyes, straightened her back, and knocked on the door.

( Read more... )

Original prompt from Foone on Tumblr: Walking my pet angel in the morning, I've got the leash clipped onto her halo.

"Look, either get this thing off of me or clip the leash somewhere else. This is... demeaning!"

"That's the point, darling. You halo's too strong to just break - we've got to ripen it up, making it so thick and full of sin it has no choice but to... burst."

Her keeper whispered the last right next to her ear, and the angel shivered. She pushed down on her very short, rapidly tenting skirt. "Y-Your plan is to embarrass my halo to death?!"

"Well, as long as you're enjoying yourself," said the angel's keeper, flicking the now-horizontal skirt front and making the angel yelp, "I'd say it's a win-win." She grinned. Now, let's see what's going on down at the shops, eh darling? I know that cute batista has been eyeing you every time you come in~"

The angel's face flushed bright red as she fought with her skirt. Her keeper tugged on her leash - and, just for a moment, her halo wobbled.